BIND: The Surprising Truth about Human Connection

Across the arc of my career thus far, I have learned many things that may seem counter-intuitive about how we connect with each other. Here are 10 examples, of many more, that I am writing about right now…

  • 1.) Even though 50% of marriages end in divorce, we do not have a 50% divorce rate – some of us have a much higher, or lower, risk of divorce, depending on several key factors
  • 2.) Falling in love has much less to do with “love” than something like cocaine addiction
  • 3.) Under the right circumstances, people who “hate each other on sight” can become people who would willingly die for each other
  • 4.) Before we get married, we should have a number of good fights with our potential partner
  • 5.) There is no such thing as “soul mates” the way we usually think of the concept, but under certain conditions, two people can become each other’s soul mate over time
  • 6.) Past trauma shapes character, sometimes in great ways
  • 7.) The “Golden Rule” turns out to be a really unhelpful guide in many cases when it comes to how we treat our partners
  • 8.) Carrying each other’s emotional burdens often requires us to do nothing at all
  • 9.) The more interdependent we are, the more independent we can be
  • 10.) The power of connection has a power that is greater than despair. When we connect, we survive.
My goals in writing this book are to give you…

  • A clear picture of what right looks like – explained in a clear, practical 3-phase model of successful lifelong partnerships
  • A way to re-examine and address fears about future connection by developing new insights to explain why past relationships may not have worked out
  • An analysis of key factors that influence the likelihood of divorce, an analysis that is based on high quality research and two decades of clinical practice
  • Practical (often counter-intuitive) insights for how to create the conditions for a lasting, healthy partnership
  • A new understanding of the role of conflict in relationships that will allow us to overcome fears and avoidance of conflict
  • Practical guidance for how to engage in conflict that is productive, that builds trust and enhances the strength of our closest relationships
  • A realistic, honest conversation about what it takes to achieve lasting love

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